I often tell this story when talking about the connection between our emotions and our biochemistry, so you may have heard it before.

One of my very distinct childhood memories was of a time when my mother responded to a meltdown I was having, by taking my temperature and putting me to bed.

What led up to this meltdown-moment, was me trying to navigate a heavy sliding patio door on a hot summer day and when it didn’t move easily, I broke down into tears — which was my primary way of expressing frustration at that age.

How on earth did my frustration that day, make my mother want to check my temperature? I was so struck by what seemed to me to be a non-sequitur, that I’ve never forgotten it. In the moment while I was preoccupied with my feelings, I found it stunning and confusing that she knew to make this connection between my emotional display and my physical health.

Cranky Babies

If you’ve ever cared for an infant who can’t yet communicate clearly to you about their needs, you know about these 3 basic things that require troubleshooting: When a baby cries or gets fussy and restless, first things to think about are: diapers, hunger or need for a nap.

We grownups are not that different from our infant selves in many respects. When you feel frustrated, stressed or just generally upset, I want you to do the cranky-baby test and seriously ask yourself:

Do I need a poop?

Do I need a nap?

Do I need a snack?

Many of us have learned to disregard our physiological needs during the work day. Maybe we delay our bowel movement because we’re in the middle of a meeting. We have a specific lunch hour to adhere to and might have missed breakfast. Maybe we’re relying on comfort food which is largely devoid of nutrients. We likely didn’t sleep well enough last night either and will go to bed too late again tonight.

All or any of these things put stress our biochemistry. Our body chemistry doesn’t stop at the neck. It influences our brain and nervous system which governs the experience of our whole world. The human body is fantastic at “making due” but there’s always an impact felt somewhere in the system. When our basic needs (eating, sleeping and pooping) go unmet, the impact manifests downstream and sometimes that can look like a spike in stress or emotionality.

Of course, in the adult world, we can’t always indulge in what we need right away but it’s important to recognize the possible role your basic biology might be playing in these situations.

Beyond Basic Needs?

When you’ve asked yourself all three questions and sufficiently responded to these needs, but you still feel atypically emotional or stressed, then it might be time to consult a healthcare professional who can better assess other aspects of your biochemistry that might be contributing.

The fourth question that my mom knew to ask, is also fair game for you: Are you run down? Is your immune system fighting something and sapping your reserves? This can happen when we routinely push our biological needs aside. When the answer is yes, it might not manifest as frank illness but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give yourself a little TLC.

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There’s no shortcut to satisfying our basic body requirements for food, sleep and elimination. Until we find ways to honor these basic needs on a regular basis, there will be a trade off in some area of your mental or physical function. Sometimes the only early sign we get about it is in how we feel emotionally.

How do you check in with yourself about your needs?

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As originally published on medium.com/@yalingliou on June 24th, 2022